A Letter to the Man Who Saved my Husband's Ministry
Special Edition by Christine D
Dear Rick,
Each week I read our denomination’s Call Report which lists all the changes in public gospel ministry; it’s a touchstone to our church body back “home”. Whenever I read names under the “Resigned” category, I feel a pit in my stomach. By the grace of God, my husband’s name has never been listed there. About 15 years ago, it very nearly was, but God used you powerfully to intervene.
As a pastor’s daughter and now a pastor’s wife, I have witnessed the pressure public gospel ministry can have on the pastor and his family. Disputes within the Church; intense and often very public scrutiny of the pastor’s vision, giftedness, and shortcomings; it wears him down. This can lead to restless nights, health problems, and feelings of isolation and uncertainty. It can also make him extra vulnerable to temptation in an attempt to medicate his pain or regain some feeling of control.
Who pastors the pastor when difficulties and temptations arise?
After years of particularly painful church planting, Matt’s leaving full-time public gospel ministry seemed like a mercy for our family. It was not a decision we made lightly. In preparation, I got a full-time job which offered a small salary and health insurance. We had three children and a mortgage. Choosing to leave the public gospel ministry is different than leaving a regular job in that the position is not easily transferable. Even though my husband has over seven years of postgraduate education, theological credentials don’t easily translate into corporate America.
The grief we experienced worshiping with the remnant of our church family was intense on what we thought was Matt’s final Sunday. He had one last pastoral duty--attending the district retreat in Houston where you, Rick, just happened to be presenting on “Why Pastors Burn Out and Leave the Ministry.”
As a former vice cop, you have a reputation for being blunt; you don’t pull punches and you don’t suffer fools. But you also have a Christ-loving counselor’s heart. Matt asked you for advice on how to quit, what you gave him was hope and a vision for the future. The outcome of that conversation was that Matt stayed in the public gospel ministry, serving our mission church for four more years before accepting the call to be a professor at Asia Lutheran Seminary in Hong Kong. He’s served in Asia for ten years, and now we are embarking on a new adventure to Australia. God-willing, he will one day retire at a ripe-old age from the ministry. I can never thank you enough for pastoring my husband and starting CrossTrain Ministries. (www.crosstrainministries.com) Since that time, my husband has never been without a professional coach (more on him later) and at least one peer coach. Of all the roles Matt has, I am most grateful that he coordinates both coaching for missionaries on our team and mentoring for students for Asia Lutheran Seminary.
How many resignations could have been prevented by having the support and accountability of a coach? How many families and congregations could have been spared this upheaval and trauma? Coaches are invaluable, not as a guarantee against resignations, but a welcome voice of reason, tough love and encouragement. Gospel-centered mentors like you, Rick, have the capacity to change the trajectory of a person’s life. We praise God for you!
With sincere gratitude,
Christine Doebler
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Thanks so much writing and sharing this. We’re thankful to God for providing the right person at the right time to say the right things- so your husband could stay on the right path. God continues to use the two of you to bring His blessings into the lives of many scattered around the world.
Well said Christine! Thanks for your openness about the past. Very helpful to many, certainly, in a similar situation.