Begin the Mentor Session in a Relaxed Way
#25 in the Gospel-Centered Mentoring Training Series
Hagar was a nobody, an Egyptian slave woman, single and pregnant, cast out into the wilderness by her masters to fend for herself. She was hopeless…until God appeared to her and promised to bless her beyond anything she could ever have asked for or imagined. Genesis 16:13 tells us that, as a result, “She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: ‘You are the God who sees me,’ for she said, ‘I have now seen the One who sees me.’” He was the God who saw her when no one else did.
In our flickering-screen, fast-paced world, few people ever feel truly seen. In the cacophony of social media, few people ever feel truly heard. That’s probably why some people are always shouting while others cave in on themselves. The gospel-centered mentor makes sure every mentee is truly seen and heard.
That means beginning the mentor session in a relaxed way. Your mentees are generally juggling multiple vocations; they may just be arriving to the mentor session after a long day at the office; they may stumble in a bit stressed or scatter-brained. Additionally, a lot has transpired in their lives between sessions. Many issues pinball about their minds and hearts. They may be experiencing various emotions as they contemplate their time with you—shame, guilt, excitement, uncertainty.
Your task in the initial moments of the session is to help them transition from one arena to another, to relax a bit, and to reconnect with them relationally. Don’t rush those initial moments to “get down to business”.
Here are some helpful tips for beginning the mentor session in a relaxed way:
Ask the mentee about his/her life; it’s that too big of a question, just ask him/her to share one “high” and one “low” from the last two weeks; or, “What was the highlight of your week?” or, “What is the most interesting thing happening in your life right now?”
Get to know the mentee a bit more as a person by asking a fun question about his/her life. For example, “tell me about your favorite food;” “tell me about your childhood home;” “tell me about your children;” “tell me about the best place you have ever visited.” “What’s the best advice you have ever been given?” “Who is your favorite Disney character/superhero/sports figure and why?” You can find hundreds of “icebreaker” questions like these on the internet. Of course, you will have to assess the mentee’s comfort level before asking deeper or off-the-wall icebreaker questions. (For more about building a relationship with mentees outside of the mentor session, click here.)
Try to avoid giving your mentee the impression that you are asking how he/she did on actions steps. There is an appropriate space for this later in the session.
Don’t be afraid to share a bit about yourself. Because some mentors believe there should be a healthy distance between them and their mentees, they refrain from sharing anything personal. Certainly, there should be some formality to your relationship as mentor and mentee. However, sharing a bit about yourself lets mentees know that you are a real person just like they are, one who has joy and sorrows, ups and downs, and needs law and gospel just like they do. You can share your weaknesses and even your failures without having to go into details about all the sinful things you have thought, said, and done.
Once you have done some initial sharing, this is often a good place to say a simple prayer for your time together. You might take a few calming breaths together with the mentee. You want them to feel relaxed, safe, and comfortable.