Deal with Mentees' Discouragement about Progress
Deal with Mentees' Discouragement about Progress
#30 in the Gospel-Centered Mentoring Training Series
When mentees are discouraged about lack of progress on a goal or action step, remind them first that these plans are not laws from God. Mentees have not sinned just because they did not complete their action steps last week. Be careful of giving the appearance of disappointment in their supposed “failure”. Instead, when this situation occurs convey curiosity: “Rather than beat yourself up, let’s examine what happened to discover what we can learn from this experience.” Consider the following reasons why mentees may not have finished their action steps:
Perhaps an emergency came up, and she did not have time for her plan.
Perhaps the action step was out of sequence. There may be other spiritual, physical, or emotional issues that must be dealt with first. For example, perhaps his action step was to read the Bible early in the morning before starting work. If he failed, maybe there is another step he should have taken first. Maybe he is staying up until 1am, playing online games and is too tired to read the Bible early in the morning. First, he must deal with the issue of staying up too late; then he can work on reading the Bible early.
Perhaps the action step was really more the mentor’s idea than the mentee’s idea. This is an issue of ownership. Maybe you, as the mentor, mistakenly compelled the mentee to take a step she did not want to take or was not ready to take; it was more your idea than hers.
Perhaps the mentee is lazy or distracted by sinful habits and needs to be confronted with the law.
Perhaps the mentee is burdened with shame or guilt and needs to be comforted and encouraged with the gospel.
Perhaps this is a plan or realm of life where God is asking the mentee to deny himself and carry his cross. You may need to encourage him to hold action steps/goals loosely. Ask the mentee to consider how God may be asking him to deny himself. If he feels the crushing weight of the cross, remind him of God’s unfailing love (Joshua 1:9, Romans 8:28-39; Hebrews 12:7-11; 1 Peter 4:19, etc.).
Perhaps the mentee has forgotten why she set this goal or action step in the first place. You may need to help her remember her previous rationale for, commitment to, and/or excitement about this goal or action step.
Based upon what you discover together, remember to minister to mentees with the law and/or gospel they need in this situation.
Activity: Review the Mentee’s Progress
(Based upon this article and the previous one)
It’s your turn to review the mentee’s progress by asking the three review questions (W.I.N.) and by dealing with the mentee’s discouragement about progress.
Step One: Ask Three Review Questions
With a partner, review a recent experience teaching a Bible study, doing a presentation, disciplining your kids, or having a discussion with a coworker or a friend. Use the three review questions to evaluate that experience:
“What went Well?”
“What needs Improvement?”
“What will you do different Next time?
Make two or three observations about this process.
Step Two: Deal with Discouragement about Progress
Imagine this scenario: As you review your mentee’s progress, he says to you, “I totally failed! I agreed to read one chapter of the Gospel of Matthew every day last week and write one paragraph about each reading, but I only actually did it three days, and one of those days, I didn’t even get the paragraph written.” What questions will you ask to find out why the mentee did not finish his action steps?
Also, if you need to encourage him, what would you say?
If you need to challenge him what would you say?