Gospel-Centered Mentoring Appreciates the Complexity of People
#11 in the Gospel-Centered Mentoring Series
Because of Western hyper-individualism and an overemphasis on “a personal relationship with Jesus”, some believers fancy they can walk the path of gospel transformation nearly alone. This “just Jesus and me” mentality seems so mature at first glance—like the ascetics who isolated themselves from the world to focus on God. But Martin Luther minced no words on this topic: “The papists and Anabaptists teach: If you wish to know Christ, try to be alone, don't associate with men, become a separatist. This is plainly the diabolical advice which is in conflict with the first and second table [of the Decalogue]…Away with those who say: ‘Be glad to be alone and your heart will be pure.’” [1]
“Just Jesus and me” mentality has many different problems; foremost, it reveals a dangerous misunderstanding of the fallen human heart.[2] The prophet Jeremiah wrote, “The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” (17:9). Paul adds, “For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature…So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me… So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God’s law, but in my sinful nature a slave to the law of sin” (Romans 7:18a, 21, 25b). Even though we are filled with the Holy Spirit by faith, each of us still retains a sinful nature, the Old Man/Woman, who hates God’s law, looks for every possible opportunity to throw off its yoke, and regularly attempts to deceive us. As a result, it is nearly impossible for sinful human beings to see all their own blind spots and deal with them appropriately. That is why David had to pray, “…who can discern their own errors? Forgive my hidden faults” (Psalm 19:12).
Additionally, “just Jesus and me” mentality overestimates our aptitude for self-awareness. Proverbs 20:5a says, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters…” The human heart is a Pacific Ocean of personality, experiences, emotions such as guilt, shame, worries, fears, and aspirations, such as hopes, dreams, and interests. Some of these facets float near the surface, but many of them rest on the sea bottom, miles beneath the waves.[3] Plumbing the depths to understand, sort, and plan around those facets wisely generally requires assistance from other human beings as Proverbs 15:22 says, “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” And Proverbs 24:6, “Surely you need guidance to wage war, and victory is won through many advisers.” And Proverbs 27:17, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
Mentees Need Someone to Walk with Them
Between our rebellious sinful natures and the deep waters of our heart, we need outside help. Left to ourselves, we are often like someone who makes jokes at a funeral. We often choose the right message for a wrong time when it comes to preaching law and gospel to ourselves. We often preach law to ourselves when we need gospel and gospel when we need law. We often continue to convict ourselves when we need to be comforted and comfort ourselves when we need to be convicted. Generally, we are simply too close to the situation of our own lives to become wholehearted followers of Christ without the assistance of Christian brothers and sisters.[4]
This is why the Bible often speaks about the process of spiritual maturity in communal terms. Consider Ephesians 4:11-16:
So Christ himself gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the pastors and teachers, to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
Notice throughout this passage how often Paul mentions the whole body, that is, all the brothers and sisters who make up the body (e.g., “his people”, “the body of Christ”, “we all reach unity”, “we will no longer…”, “we will grow”, “the whole body”). He does not speak about a “personal relationship with Jesus” or about “personal devotions” (though there is nothing wrong with these phrases in the proper context). Instead, he talks about growing and maturing together. In order to “grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head,” we need other believers. While the gospel alone saves and strengthens believers, the brothers and sisters confront and guide each other with the law and comfort and empower each other with the gospel.
The Gospel-centered mentor cannot be everything for his/her mentees. But he/she can be one consistent fellow traveler as mentees seek to rest in Christ more fully and reflect him more faithfully.
The Role of Fellow Traveler
Note the rest of Proverbs 20:5, “The purposes of a person’s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws them out.” The gospel-centered mentor helps mentees draw out and sort through those purposes (designs, counsels) and move forward in God-pleasing ways. He/she needs incredible insight to address the sinful natures and the deep waters of a mentee’s heart properly.
C.F.W. Walther once noted that the concepts of law and gospel are quite simple; even a small child can understand that she is sinful and that Jesus still loves and forgives her. However, applying law and gospel properly, especially in daily life, is extremely complex and “is properly learned only in the school of the Holy Spirit.”[5] Even with the Holy Spirit’s help, it is often difficult for a mentor to properly apply law and gospel to the life of a mentee, especially because, unlike Jesus, we cannot see directly into a person’s heart.
Gospel-centered mentors know that the best way to prepare themselves to mentor others is to be filled with the gospel themselves, as Paul wrote, “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” (Romans 15:13). Thus, gospel-centered mentors regular apply law and gospel in their own lives individually and through their own mentors, pastors, spouses, and Christian friends. Filled with hope to overflowing, they can pass that hope on to their mentees. That is why this book encourages mentors to have their own mentors before they ever think of mentoring others.
As the gospel-centered mentor helps mentees draw out and sort through their lives, how does he/she guide them? Traditional mentoring methodology is quite directive. The older, more experienced mentor gives direction to the younger, less experienced mentee. The mentor’s fingerprints are evident all over the mentee’s goals and action plans. Modern coaching, by contrast, is largely non-directive. The coach facilitates the client’s journey of self-discovery, creating a self-directed plan, and executing that plan. The coach’s fingerprints are ideally not evident on the client’s goals and action plans. The gospel-centered mentor exhibits some coaching characteristics, specifically those that are in line with a Biblical understanding of:
the Holy Spirit’s work in the mentees’ lives;
the Old Adam/Eve and New Man/Woman dynamic in every mentee.
Confident of the Holy Spirit’s work in the mentee’s life though the gospel, gospel-centered mentors will lean toward a non-directive, coaching approach as appropriate for the culture and maturity of mentees. In other words, the gospel-centered mentor’s goal is to help mentees decide how they want to grow spiritually, physically, emotionally, or socially/vocationally. It is not to tell mentees exactly what to do (e.g., tell him/her to read a chapter of Romans every day for their devotions or start a workout routine that the mentor created for him/her).
At the same time, gospel-centered mentors sometimes need to be more directive with mentees, especially when applying law and gospel to their lives. When mentees are self-righteous, inflexible, and self-deceived, mentors must apply God’s law to their lives. When mentees feel guilty, ashamed, and hopeless, mentors must apply God’s gospel to their lives. When mentees are uncertain of God’s will for their lives, mentors must remind them about Christ’s commands to love God, love the believers, and love the world. While mentors will help mentees personally decide how to carry out God’s will in their lives, they will directly remind them of God’s will. When mentees need courage and strength for their callings, the mentors will remind them of God’s unbreakable promises. When it comes to the law and gospel, gospel-centered mentors are clear and direct.
Next: What Realms Does Gospel-Centered Mentoring Address?
[1] (Luther - Table Talks - No. 1329)
[2] and an arrogance that is generally founded on the law—measuring transformation by my obedience or by the depth of my knowledge—instead of the gospel and ends in disappointment or, worse yet, disaster.
[3] Another illustration might be helpful. Because people are so close to the situations of their own lives, it is often difficult for them to evaluate their lives clearly, kind of like trying to read a book from only four centimeters away; the words become a jumbled mess at that distance.
[4] Take note of that word “generally”. This is not to say that a believer can never grow in spiritual maturity unless he is surrounded by Christian mentors, coaches, pastors, or friends. It is just that, as a rule, we need godly brothers and sisters to help us mature.
[5] Which he, interestingly, associates with suffering in the life of the public gospel ministry leader.
This post inspired me to act on an idea I had to reach out to a potential mentor. I have an accountability partner, but I would also like a mentor for my work with people in recovery. Thanks for nudge I needed!