Help the Mentee Determine What to Work on
#31 in the Gospel-Centered Mentoring Training Series
As two devastated disciples plodded toward Emmaus along the dusty road, a stranger approached and walked beside them. He plied them with questions: “What are you discussing together as you walk along?” When they related that they were discussing recent events in Jerusalem, he pressed them, “What events?” When they described the tragic death of Jesus, their beloved teacher, he responded with still another question: “Did not the Messiah have to suffer these things and then enter his glory?” Then, “…beginning with Moses and all the Prophets, he explained to them what was said in all the Scriptures concerning” the Messiah.
When the stranger revealed himself to be Jesus and disappeared suddenly, the energized disciples reflected, “Were not our hearts burning within us while he talked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?”[1]
It begs the question: When Jesus saw how depressed they were, why didn’t he reveal himself immediately to dispel their sorrow? Why the masquerade? Why all the questions? Why the comprehensive gospel lecture? Because this deliberate process of walking them from depression to joy helped them learn these beautiful truths more deeply and own them more personally than just revealing them would have.
In a similar way, the gospel-centered mentor does not inform mentees, “This is what you need to work on to become a wholehearted follower of Christ.” Rather she leads them through a process of discovery and action so mentees learn more deeply and take greater ownership of their plans.
How to Help the Mentee Determine What to Work on
Lead with the direction question
Listen well (Next post)
Ask good questions (Later post)
Lead with the Direction Question
It’s critical to remember that the goal of gospel-centered mentoring is not primarily moral transformation or social transformation, but heart transformation—from a heart that relies upon itself or on other false gods, to a heart that rests in Christ fully and reflects Him faithfully. However, it is also important to recognize that growth in wholehearted character rarely comes without activity. As those who partner with God in our sanctification, we must engage with God’s mighty Word and sacraments if we wish to rest in Christ fully and reflect him faithfully. We do not believe that the Holy Spirit just strikes us on the head with bolts of transformational lightening apart from the means of grace. Additionally, no one becomes physically or emotionally healthy without activity. In fact, inactivity leads to entropy. So, while a discussion about development might not always be focused on moral obedience, it will always eventually involve activity, e.g., joining a small group where God’s Word is studied, praying the Scriptures, attending communion more regularly, putting baptismal reminders around your home, walking a few miles, purging empty carbs from your pantry.
That’s why during this phase of the mentor session, your job is to help mentees determine how they want to continue growing toward wholeheartedness. The quickest and clearest way to dive into this kind development conversation is to directly ask, “What would you like to work on today?” This simple question reminds mentees why you are meeting: to keep moving toward wholehearted character. Here are a few other ways to ask the direction question:
What do we need to discuss today to keep you moving toward your goals?
How do you want to grow in wholehearted character?
How do you want grow in resting in Christ fully or reflecting Him faithfully?
What realm should we focus on today - spiritual, physical, emotional, or social/vocational?
Where should we go today?
What’s up? (Reserve this question for mentees who are highly motivated and experienced with the process.)
Tailor the question to fit the needs, personality, and culture of the mentee.
What will mentees want to work on? The list is nearly endless. One mentee wants to improve his public Bible reading by practicing with poetry. Another mentee wants to eat healthier. Another wants to decide if he should keep studying to be a pastor or not. Another wants to improve her devotional life. Another wants to go to bed earlier so she can wake up earlier and be more alert during the day. Another wants to improve the relationship with his wife.
If mentees initially have trouble generating ideas for growth, ask them to send you their prayer requests before the session or to share prayer requests in the session itself. Also review their “highs and lows” from the beginning of the session. These lists often reveal our values, challenges, and growth areas. When using this approach, ask mentees, “What areas for growth do you see in your prayer list or highs and lows?” rather than making your own recommendations from what they have shared. This keeps them in the driver’s seat.
Once you have asked mentees the direction question, “What would you like to work on today?” it is time to listen well and ask good questions. We’ll look at that in the next couple of posts.
[1] Luke 24:13-32