Set up the Mentor Session
#20 in the Gospel-Centered Mentoring Series
Prepare for the mentor session by setting the mentor schedule and location, preparing your heart for the session, and preparing for the session itself.
Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Group once said, “If you ask any successful business person, they will always have had a great mentor at some point along the road.” Likewise, your role as gospel-centered mentor is very significant for the successful, wholehearted development of mentees. With God’s help, it will make an eternal difference in their lives.
However, mentoring is not easy work. In the first “Spiderman” movie, Uncle Ben and Aunt May are striving nobly to mentor their nephew Peter as he navigates a slew of difficult challenges and changes in life. Not only is he coping with the loss of his parents, conflict at school, and romance problems; he is disoriented by the superpowers infused in him through the bite of a radioactive spider.
At a loss what to do, Uncle Ben shares with Aunt May, “Something’s bothering him; maybe he’s too embarrassed to tell me what it is; maybe I’m too embarrassed to ask him. I don’t know; I just don’t know anymore.” Later, when Peter is in the car with him, Uncle Ben tries his best to help. “Pete, look, you're changing. I know, I went through exactly the same thing at your age…these are the years when a man changes into the man he's gonna become the rest of his life. Just be careful who you change into...Remember, with great power comes great responsibility.”
Sometimes, mentors can identify with Uncle Ben. They want to help mentees, but they aren’t sure just how to do that. All mentees—all people, in fact—are a complex blend of emotions, experiences, personality, strengths, and weaknesses. They have good days and bad days. They are saints who still struggle daily with cancerous sin that needs to be identified and confronted; they have hidden fears, guilt, and shame that need to be addressed with the gospel. No—gospel-centered mentoring is not easy.
However, you are already off to a great start. You have set the stage for gospel-centered mentoring by being mentored yourself and by nurturing a meaningful relationship with the mentee by:
Making the mentee a priority.
Spending informal time with mentee (hanging out and serving together).
Throughout the remaining chapters of this book, you will learn exactly how to facilitate a mentor session, step-by-step, so you don’t feel helpless and tongue-tied like Uncle Ben.
How to Prepare for the Mentor Session:
Setup the Mentor Session
Prepare Your Heart for the Session
Prepare for the Session Itself
Setup the Mentor Session
Setting a mentor session schedule and location with mentees shows that you care about nurturing a meaningful relationship with them. By establishing a dependable schedule and thoughtfully choosing a location, you are communicating that you value your time with them.
Schedule
Frequency and Time
We suggest meeting every two weeks for formal mentor sessions. For most people, one week is too short a time to really implement any personal development plans (e.g., new devotional habits or a new exercise regimen). On the other hand, four weeks creates too great a gap between mentor sessions; if mentees have trouble implementing their plans, it may take a month before you are even aware of it and can help them adjust the plan or create a new one. Whatever frequency you choose (or can implement), try to find a rhythm that gives mentees enough time to implement their personal growth plans but doesn’t leave them too much time to get overly discouraged when they face challenges.
A few years ago, I spoke to a student in an academic mentoring program; he told me that his mentor had not met with him in several months. I doubt the mentor deliberately forgot about his student, but time passes quickly when you are busy. Scheduling to meet frequently and dependably can help you avoid this unfortunate situation.
Length
When it comes to the length of the regular mentor session, one hour is usually suitable. Most mentees have several vocational responsibilities and will not be able to add multiple hours to a normal week for mentor sessions. However, you also need to consider what works best in their culture and their circumstances for building them up and helping them grow personally. Also, try to be consistent with the length of time you spend in mentor sessions. If the session lasts one hour this week and then three hours in two weeks, it is difficult for busy mentees to schedule their time.
This doesn’t mean you can only meet with your mentee for one hour every two weeks; it just means that you should have a clear start and stop time for formal mentor sessions. You may spend other informal time with the mentee. Remember that every culture and every mentee is different. Some mentees need more formal and informal time; others need less than you would expect.
Location
When you are filming, you must have the right environment to produce a high-quality video. Even if you have expensive, modern equipment, your final product will be poor if your environment is poor. You need good natural light or good electric lighting for quality shots. You must avoid places that are windy or noisy. The right environment is also critical when it comes to mentoring. When choosing a location to meet for mentor sessions, keep the following details in mind.
Privacy
First, choose a place that is private. One of my mentees once broke down and cried while we were meeting in a busy coffee shop. That was quite awkward. If you meet in the mentee’s home, you don’t want his/her kids running through or the dog sniffing your leg the whole time or the TV blaring in the background. If you want your mentee to share comfortably and honestly, you need a private place to meet. If you want to meet a mentee at your home, make sure your spouse or roommate is okay with that.
Territory
Second, keep in mind that if you meet in your home, your mentee is in your “territory” and may not feel comfortable sharing deeper matters with you. Conversely, if you meet in your mentee’s home, that is their “territory.” Just check with him/her about this. Decide if you feel comfortable confronting them with the law and asking honest questions in that setting.
Consistency
Finally, avoid moving around too much from week to week unless that is something that you both find agreeable. Maybe you both like craft beers and want to visit every craft beer place in your area. Or you want to try every coffee shop in your part of town. That is fine, but be careful that meeting in a different location every session is not distracting.
Communication
Clear communication is essential to avoid confusion and missed meetings:
Decide who will send out meeting reminders if they are needed.
Confirm that you both understand where you will meet.
If you are meeting online, decide who will send out a meeting link/invitation and when.
If you are meeting on the phone, decide who will call whom.
How to set up a regular mentoring schedule:
Choose the meeting schedule.
Choose the meeting location.
Decide about meeting communication.
For more thoughts on expectations for the mentoring session, check out this article on the Harvard Business Review.
Next: Maximize Online Mentor Sessions