Spend Informal Time with the Mentee

#18 in the Gospel-Centered Mentoring Series

So, what does it look like to give mentees personal, prioritized attention?  In the following lessons, we will focus on a formal method of mentoring.  However, much of mentoring, training, and relationship-building actually takes place in informal settings, such as eating together, playing tennis together, or serving the poor together.  Situations like these enable you to connect with mentees more personally, showing them how faith is lived out in ordinary life while creating opportunities to bless them in special ways.  So, make time for regular, informal interactions with your mentees by hanging out together and serving together.    

Hanging Out

Hanging out is the informal time you spend deepening your relationship with mentees.  This is where they can see how you live out law and gospel in your everyday life, at home and in public.  Sometimes hanging out means playing games together, eating dinner together, or watching a movie together.  Sometimes hanging out means sitting across from one another on couches, chatting about life or discussing matters of faith.  There are many activities you can do together to let mentees know you care about them personally.   

Just one word of caution here:  Beware of becoming mere “buddies” with your mentees to the degree that praying together or discussing deeper matters becomes awkward.  There are no hard rules for avoiding this pitfall; but seek the Spirit’s wisdom to handle this wisely. 

Photo by Aarón Blanco Tejedor on Unsplash

Serving Together

Serving together is the time you spend serving others together with your mentees.  This is where they can learn from your example how to rest in Christ fully and reflect him faithfully.[1]  This is also where they can practice serving in your presence so you can observe and encourage them. 

If you really wish to connect with your mentees on a deeper level, you must be willing to “do life together,” hanging out and serving together with them outside of formal mentor sessions. 

Some parents argue that quality time their children is more important than quantity time—“I may not be able to spend a lot of time with my children, but the time I spend with them is intentional.”  The reality is that children generally need both quality and quantity time for healthy development.  Furthermore, spending large quantities of time together in work and play generally leads to quality time, that is, opportunities for building deep relationships and encouraging the children.  The same is true in mentoring.  It is often time together itself that opens new doors for training mentees and blessing them in special ways.  These informal opportunities enhance the quality of the formal mentor sessions.    

Imagine this scenario:  “Last week, when we were watching the Avengers movie together, you said that you often feel as angry as the Hulk; you are surprised that you don’t turn green sometimes.  What did you mean by that?”  Or, “Last week, after we ate dinner at our house, I noticed that you helped my family clean up the kitchen.  That showed me you have a servant’s heart.  I can see God working powerfully in you.” 

Of course, because of distance or schedules, sometimes it is not possible for mentor and mentees to spend a lot of informal time together; but spending informal time together should be prioritized as there is opportunity.  This is an important reason to limit your number of mentees.  You must have sufficient time for hanging out and serving together as God grants opportunities.  Remember to make mentees a priority. 

Activity:  Nurture a Meaningful Relationship with the Mentee

It’s your turn to nurture a meaningful relationship with the mentee by making the mentee a priority and by spending informal time with the mentee. 

Step One:  Make the Mentee a Priority 

What do you need to remove from your schedule (or shift around) without neglecting your other vocations (such as parent and spouse) so you can give mentees personal, prioritized attention?

Step Two:  Spend Informal Time with the Mentee

Make a list of 5 ways you can spending informal time with your mentees.  Remember to include both hanging out and serving together.  Then, give a brief explanation for each idea.    

Next: Prepare for the Mentor Session - Setup the Mentor Session

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[1] And the example of other Christians you include in your interactions with mentees.